Closer

Long ago, I wrote a song. A few minutes ago, I played it on guitar. At this very moment, I am writing a blog entry containing its lyrics. It’s called “Closer,” which is either pronounced kloser or klozer, depending on how you want to interpret it. Both are relevant to the meaning of the song, and I like that it’s ambiguous.

Musically, I was never really happy with “Closer.” It sounds a bit too much like a Smashing Pumpkins song. I’ve since cannibalized the riffs for use in other songs, all of which are better than this one. Still, I like the lyrics to this one a lot, particularly “I was right to want to hate you, I wish I’d hate you now…” It definitely captures that helpless feeling of caring about someone that you really ought not love. Singing it is always cathartic.

Anyway, here are the lyrics:

Dried out my heart for keeps in the pages of a book
I’m sorry you couldn’t take my truth, my admission of guilt
Surprised me to see you’re still the same old girl that you used to be
So caught up in your fear that you’ll never feel anything
You’re not worth it anymore

But I’m not bitter
I’m not bitter
And I feel better
I feel better
I feel

This was all a mistake
Ethereal, a theory gone awry
I like you better when you’re not here
Just the thought of you
Just the thought of you
Just a thought
Just a thought
Just the thought of you
Just the thought of you
You’re just a thought
You’re just a thought

Blamed you for everything
For all you were and all you couldn’t be
Same you as ever was
Just a thankless little bitch
Wasting my time

But I’m not bitter
No, I’m not bitter
And I feel better
I feel better

I’m not bitter
I’m not bitter
And I feel better
I feel better
I feel

So intense I wish I had a photograph
’Cause there’s no turning back
All I’d felt has left

I was right to want to hate you
I wish I’d hate you now
All you ever gave me was guilt and endless doubt

But I’m not bitter
No, I’m not bitter
And I feel better
I feel better
I feel